Truths Can be a Meme

If you want the aroma of a burger but not the calories that come with actually eating it, White Castle has just the thing: burger-scented candles.

Normally, I dislike email forwards, but these a friend sent along were fairly entertaining, enough so that I thought an annotated version would make a fun blog post. So, here goes.

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UNIVERSAL TRUTHS


1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

~  Actually, I'd love to scandalize people. I'll be dead; what would I care what they think. Might be nice to shake up their opinion about me. Which means I'd better start visiting scandalous sites. ;)

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

~ This is painfully true.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I way ounger.

~ Yeah, I'll go along with this one, too.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

~ Not really. If you need to make it obvious you're being sarcastic, then you're not doing it right. Or the reader is oblivious. If you're worried, just do this: <- sarcasm.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

~ One of life's great mysteries, I say!

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

~ Oh yeah, it was. My cursive might have degenerated over the years, but it sure beats my printing for readability these days. And I can write faster that way.

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. ~ And yet, not everyone can!

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

~ Some do. And it depends on whether the cause is interesting. Choked on a bowling ball is infinitely more interesting than had a heart attack.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

~ Oh yeah!

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

~ Usually for someone else to tell.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

~ Yup. Often comes at 9:01 a.m.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after BluRay? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

~ Hell. I'm not even doing Blu-Ray. Still converting VHS tapes to DVDs.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

~ WordPerfect doesn't do that. It knows you didn't make any changes. Point goes to WordPerfect! Well, at least version X4.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

~ Yeah, for me, too.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

~ Not applicable for me.

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

~ It's a waste for me if no one notices.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

~ I rarely use my cell phone. This is my 3rd or 4th and the first one I actually programmed numbers into.

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

~ Mine has one.

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

~ I don't know the reference. Then again, I don't shop in Kay Jewelers, either.

20. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

~ It would sure save a lot of aggravation, I suppose.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

~ True for books, too. And TV shows, including cartoons. ;)

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

~ Extra trips are so tedious! ;)

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

~ Not applicable; I don't drive. Don't text much, either, mostly to send pics to flickr or to Tweet.

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

~ I cover my bases and eat for both.

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

~ Describes a fair amount of library reference interviews. ;)

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an ass from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

~ Not applicable. I don't drive, as you'll recall from a previous answer.

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

~ Hell, yeah! Except for those times you sit on something questionable on the subway. Ewwwww!

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

~ No. We were that dumb, too. We just didn't know it. ;)

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

~ Not die. Just break my neck and become a quadriplegic and need a breathing tube, and that would just suck.

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

~ I don't drive, but as a pedestrian, I agree. Can't they all obey traffic laws? Would that be so difficult?

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. ~ Just 3 times? I can stare at it for 5 minutes and still not comprehend what I'm seeing. I chalk it up to a senior moment. Well, maybe just a middle-aged moment.

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

~ I never could. My hand would fumble around smacking everything on the nighttable just to find the alarm. Something about being startled awake throws off my coordination. I use a clock radio now, have for decades. Much much better than an alarm.

Feeling: exhausted! This might be the last time I copy from an email. So much crap formatting moved over that wasn't showing in the html. I had to put this through Notepad 3 times, and I'm still not sure this will look okay when I post.


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