Thrills and Chills at the DMV

I don't drive. Having made the attempt in the mid-'70s and failing the road test (hell, I barely passed the vision test), which I blame on my poor depth perception, I figured I was doing the city of NY and environs a service by not trying again. And back then, NYS licenses didn't have photos, so they were of limited use, ID-wise. Photo IDs replaced them during the '80s, I think, and along came the non-driver's ID, but I didn't really need one, so didn't bother getting one. After 9/11, I figured I should get a NYS photo ID, but being the good, lazy procrastinator that I am, I never bothered, especially since I discovered I'd first need to get a copy of my birth certificate. What I had was an old photostat and only an original would suffice.

Today, as I sat on an uncomfortable wood bench for 2.5 hours, I was reminded of the other reason I kept putting this off. I applied online for my birth certificate last month and it came last week. I had the week off, plus today, and even with other errands, I'd have time to get this done. Two and a half hours of waiting for what amounted to a 5-minute transaction.

I read for the first hour, then my eyes got tired, so I watched the board. I was in midtown Manhattan, within walking distance from my gym. I had B298 and when I got my little ticket thingie, at 11:27 a.m., they were up to B253. There were other letters, too, A, C, D, E, F, G, and some Hs. Letters are assigned according to the reason folks are there and you get called to the window handling your situation. The Bs came to a real standstill at 12:30 p.m. Nearly 20 minutes passed without a B being called. Around 1:30 p.m., there were a few non-responses (folks either fell asleep or had left in exasperation), so that caught us up a bit. Then one of the windows calling Bs took a break and we were down to just the one, which was also seeing some other letters. Time dragged, but we were in the 290s now. I felt my pulse quicken. This had nearly as much tension as a horse race. Or a high-stakes Bingo game.

As the numbers came up on the digital boards hanging in various locations around the room, I imagined I'd hear Yolanda Vega (she's one of the people who calls NYS lottery numbers on TV and has a very distinctive voice) call out B298. Then, in a surprise move, B297 got called to another window that had opened up, and window 5, which had been seeing one B after another, flashed: B298! It was a couple of minutes shy of 2:00 p.m. I'd won.

And in two weeks, I'll have my prize. I can't wait to see how awful the photo is. I doubt it could be worse than the horror on the work photo ID they made us get a few years ago, but I'm trusting the DMV to give it its best shot.

I went to the gym after, but my legs protested after a half hour, so I got off the treadmill. They seemed to be saying I should be glad they could function at all after I was on my butt for 2.5 solid hours.

Feeling:

non-drivers ID